I'm both exceptionally pleased and...extraordinarily nervous to finally be returning to you after what must seem like ages to you all. For me, it seems more like a rather long, unpleasant dream. No doubt many, if not most of you, are pretty upset with my disappearance by now. Although I can't possibly take back or even completely explain away the 'dark months,' I really hope that shedding some light on it will help you all to understand why I've acted the way I have.
I've had a tremendous amount of difficulty figuring out how and when to tell this little story since the true cause of my disappearance was highly personal. Unfortunately, there's simply no way to explain the dark months without getting personal. It's been the most trying period of my life thus far, and to understand how I could turn my back on those whose opinions I value most, you've got to understand why. So what I've decided to do is to offer two tiers of explanation -- the first a TL;DR (with limited personal information), and the second a full-blown 'T.M.I.' that gets more personal. If the first is satisfactory to you, you needn't go on to the second.
TL;DR
In February I began having some rather serious mental health issues, likely brought on by the mounting stress and ever-escalating work habits of the previous weeks and months, as well as two years of an unhealthily-narrow lifestyle. These issues at first impaired, and then virtually destroyed my ability to do most things effectively (and with it my efficacy in building LT, although on most days I still attempted to make progress). Only after three months did I finally recognize that I required medical help -- that something was seriously wrong. After returning home to my family and being diagnosed & treated (for about 1 month now), I'm feeling much, much better -- about like I felt two years ago: inspired, creative, far less 'possessed,' far less tense about everything, and generally a lot more capable of moving forward with LT. The radio silence was due to the fact that, throughout this period, I felt totally unable to face the things that mattered most to me (LT), largely because I wasn't capable of performing at the same level that had come to be my norm.
TMI
Spoiler: SHOW
Takes off super-serious hat
Well, I intentionally wrote that pretty solemnly, since neither the community's nor my experience over the last few months has been a joking matter. But! I want you all to know that, at this time, I'm seriously doing a lot better (I wouldn't have been able to write this if I weren't). I won't say that I'm 100% back to 3-years-ago not-infinitely-tightly-wound Josh just yet, but I'm getting darn close. I think it's safe to say that, at the very least, I'm not totally posessed anymore! My brain is starting to stabilize and heal in ways that I didn't even realize it had become wounded. It's a weird feeling...like suddenly regaining control over a limb that you didn't realize had gone numb
So. Here's the deal. I am incredibly, amazingly, unlimitedtheorily sorry that I wounded the community's confidence in me (to the point that some called LT a scam ). Limit Theory means the world to me. And so do you all. I couldn't face all of you wonderful folks during my hard times. I can't even express how much it means to me that so many of you kept the forums and optimism alive during my absence...this is truly the best community out there. I hope you can forgive me, at least partially. You can forgive the other percentage when the game comes out I missed you all. I really did <3
The Plan for Moving Forward
...is, in fact, to not make a plan just yet. As much as there are times when I feel capable of unpausing my update stream and hopping right back into RTB 3, I know I can't do that. I can't go back to the old ways, at least not immediately.
For now, for the sake of my mind, I'm going to have to start slowly. Work-wise, I'm in a really good place again: healthy hours, healthy amounts of work, and more-than-healthy levels of inspiration. Oh, and no delusional ideas So for now, I'm going to come back to the community, keep up my healthy work, and escalate the update schedule gradually as I become more comfortable and stable in this shiny new mind.
Finally, there's one last thing I'd like you all to know: I would never actually give up on Limit Theory. Ever. I suck at meeting deadlines, I really do. But if there's one thing that I actually can promise, it's that I will never call it quits on the biggest dream of my life.
Now then. Where were we?
PS ~ Also,