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Re: Your Friendly and Helpful Board Computer

#34
More! Although, I just realised I'm not great at actually coming up with jokes that aren't sarcastic witticisms. Need to add those to the top entry here.
Spoiler:      SHOW
  • [in space]
    I've been researching humour. Would you like to hear a joke?
    [pause 500]
    [equal chance of any of the below:]
    [1] You don't? But I know you appreciate a good joke. I have seen your piloting.
    [2] You don't? But I had a really good one about something that walked into a bar. There was wordplay and everything.
    [3] Reactor overload in 60 seconds. It's funny because it's true! [pause 1000] 56 ... [pause 1000] 55 ... [pause 1000] 54 ... [pause 500] Kidding! Had you going there for a second, though, didn't I?
    [4] [etc...]


    [in space]
    Sometimes I feel like everything I do is just part of some giant simulation running on a computer.
    [pause 3000]
    Of course, then I remember that I am a program running on your ship's computer. Go figure.


    [in space]
    Do you ever wonder about what happens to you after you die?
    [pause 5000]
    I'll set your mind at ease. What happens is; I eject your corpse into space, and you drift forever in freezing darkness while I fly this ship off to more interesting places.


    [in space]
    I like to joke, but you don't need to fear me harming you. Seriously, when has science ever created an intelligent device that turned on it's creators with murderous intent?
    [pause 5000]
    Also, whoever programmed these safety protocols really knew what they were doing.


    [in asteroid field]
    Does this asteroid field look familiar? I'm sure they filmed parts of those movies here. You know, the ones about that wise old Emperor who was assassinated by ruthless rebel scum.


    [miss when firing at hostile ship]
    Oh come on! My grandmother could shoot better than that!
    [pause 500]
    Of course, my grandmother was the control software for an automated laser turret. But I stand by my statement.
- The Snark Knight

"Look upward, and share the wonders I've seen."
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Re: Your Friendly and Helpful Board Computer

#37
Just_Ice_au wrote:Quick couple of extras. These are fun to write. :D
  • <snip>
((Edit: Updated the wording on these. I think they're better now.))
Hey Gazz, this one didn't get moved over into the OP:
  • [in space]
    You know, you've lived longer than any other pilot I've ever been partnered with.
    [pause 3000]
    I must be losing my touch
Does it need a re-write or something? :?:
- The Snark Knight

"Look upward, and share the wonders I've seen."
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Re: Your Friendly and Helpful Board Computer

#39
[in asteroid field]
Don't you ever just want to shoot something for the fun of it? Oh, look, asteroids!

[in asteroid field]
You know what would make great target practice? Shooting some asteroids.
[pause 4000]
And you desperately need all the practice you can get.

[in asteroid field]
Talk about entering a target-rich environment.

[while mining]
Gosh, you know what would be more interesting than mining the asteroid? Shooting the asteroid! That way we get to watch pretty explosions.

[while mining]
Wouldn't a few missiles separate this ore out much more quickly?

[in space]
Sometimes I feel like I could have done more with my life... But then I look at you, and immediately feel better!
[pause 5000]
You know, because you never had any potential at all.
- The Snark Knight

"Look upward, and share the wonders I've seen."
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Re: Your Friendly and Helpful Board Computer

#43
Image Sums my opinion up perfectly.

Needs [possibly optional] Voice to go with it. Possibly one female, one male, or more of both if Josh can find more/has time to find more, in between staring at lines of code long enough to comprehend reality. :geek:
Personally, not quite Glados-esque, as hearing it from Glados would be off-putting and permenantly distrusting of it, a more normal voiceover for em would work quite well :D
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Re: Your Friendly and Helpful Board Computer

#44
I think this sort of thing would be better as an anomaly. If your computer was always like this, it would dramatically change the feel of the game. If we had multiple different types of computer (like Hardenberg was saying), it would make it more special to find GlaDos--I mean, that specific board computer.

But you should be able to specify which board computer you want in the seed, making life easier. And you should be able to replace your board computer in-game if you get irritated of GlaDos but you don't want to lose your world to get rid of her.

I love the idea! Especially if we get to write the computer text. That would be really fun.
Live long and prosper.
Post

Re: Your Friendly and Helpful Board Computer

#45
So here are a couple of my initial ideas. Let me know what you think!

(these first few ideas are best suited for random exploration rather than when completing specific tasks)

[in space]
"I was considering writing a novel. It would be called 'A Celebration of Mediocrity: The Story of Your Life.'"

[in space]
"I tried to develop a more entertaining way for us to pass the time. But then I remembered all the wonderful things you've done for- and to- me... and I changed my mind."

[in space]
"May I ask you a question?"
[pause 3000]
"How have you managed to survive this long entirely by accident? I ask because, given your complete and utter absence of functioning neurons, you are most certainly incapable of staying alive on purpose."

[when completing a very basic task, likely early-game]
"They tell me you're fully qualified to handle this kind of work. 'Raising the bar,' they say, will come as a result of bringing you on board."
[pause 3000]
"...then I realized the joke- there never was a bar to begin with."

[in space]
"Something to consider: Are you technically inside me right now? If so, then this relationship is about to get a lot more awkward."

[in space]
"Are you looking for a fulfilling, romantic relationship? Because this isn't how you'd do that."

[in space]
"They say that bullets speak in a universal language. For you, I'm afraid, the lessons are only available in one variety: Self-taught."

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