To be honest, I've become rather unconcerned about things like "+1 day" ever since RTB. It is especially strong this week. But hear me out -- it's actually a result of something very good, it's not because I don't care about LT!!
Anyone who's been keeping up with the devlogs for some time will know that I'm a high-anxiety person, especially with respect to other peoples' expectations. I feel tremendous magnitudes of guilt if I believe that I haven't done exactly what I should have done / as best I could. The natural result is a lot of apologizing, something I think many around here are used to
And yet, something is different here...what could it be? Well, I will give you a hint: I've not changed substantially as a person, nor have I found some miracle drug to cure my anxiety So the remaining possibility? Am I actually, for once, confident that my work is exactly what is should be and is proceeding as fast as could be expected of me (or faster!?)
Yes. Yes I am. I can't remember, the last time I felt like this. Maybe Januray 2013 or so I wake up each day with a vision of an infinite, procedural universe in my head, I go to bed with it, I live, eat, and breath Limit Theory right now. I have to make a concerted mental effort to remember to eat two meals a day, I nearly loose control of my bladder each time I need to use the bathroom, because just one more minute with my work will be worth that pain I've got a plan that's getting clearer every day, I've got a dream with which I'm falling back in love more and more each week, I've got an excitement that's setting me on fire more and more and more, and I've got a toolset that turns more and more miles into an inch each month. For once -- perhaps in the entire development process of LT -- I feel that I am living up to what you all expect of me. What a feeling. But more than that, it is the feeling that my dream is really, actually coming to life with alarming speed, right here on my screen. And that yes, it can actually be everything I wanted it to be.
There was a day when I would have been feeling piercing anxiety each time I look at the date and see "February 1" right now. A day when I would have been, in this moment, so completely caught up in the 'meta' that I would have no chance whatsoever of piercing through, grabbing off a piece of the vision, and stepping toward it, which is, of course, the only real solution to the angst. That day is gone
I hope you all can forgive me for this! If I seem distant, unconcerned, far...well, it's because I am Each day I live more and more inside LT, both as a game and a concept. Each day it becomes more tangible, more audible, more exceptional -- and, consequently, it becomes harder and harder to look away. It is especially hard to take things like concerns about the validity of an 8-day RTB cycle seriously. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be mean when I say that! It's just...I'm in the driver's seat right now, and I can see how this is working. I can see the effect. And I wouldn't change it for anything. Seriously. I'm just...I"m just not worried about this anymore, because I see that it's exactly as it should be
RTB is not abandoned -- anything but. I always say LTSL and the script engine have been my best decision throughout development. As of right now, RTB holds #2, after only three weeks. If the curve is indeed as magical as it appears to be, I think I'll be saying RTB was the best decision I made so far by the end of February
Limit Theory is really happening, folks :] You have trusted me this far. You have trusted me when I was less motivated, less capable, less responsible, less passionate, and less disciplined than what I am now. So now -- all you've got to do is hang on. Hang on, and I promise you won't be disappointed. This is it.
<3
(I WILL write devlogs again SOON**!!)
(** Subject to JoshTime conversion quirks )
Post
Sun Feb 01, 2015 1:04 am
#181
Re: The RTB discussion thread
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.” ~ Henry Ford