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The Guarantee

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For those of a certain station, with a fortune whose number is composed of an adequate number of digits, there is an agency, very powerful, and very private, though not particularly secret, which can sell one a Guarantee. The agency in question, which is headquartered out of an unmarked building in a perfectly average and well enough accessible development in the East Coast Metropolitan Corridor, bears no name or insignia. All it has to identify itself by is the service which is sells. A very expensive service. A Guarantee.

The Guarantee began being offered in the mid 20th century, after a slew of medical science breakthroughs, and the corresponding interest in cryogenic freezing. The agency was founded by a very enterprising individual who upon hearing about this trend of freezing the dead and ill, could not help him or herself from realizing the many flaws and pitfalls with such a plan for future resurrection. What if the power goes out? What if the company goes out of business? Some of the cryogenics companies addressed these concerns to some extent, but still, all they had to offer their customers were their assurances. Assurances that the power will not go out, we have several backup generators; the business will stay in business, it is backed by a well managed trust, etcetera.

Still, for discerning clientele, assurances are not enough. They want a guarantee. So, they were offered one.

First and foremost, the agency in question guarantees not only to freeze your corpse and keep an eye on it for a few decades or centuries, it guarantees a constant vigil over you. They will not protect you, but they will guarantee that at your moment of death, your corpse will be swiftly spirited away to a facility where it will be carefully and quickly treated, and thereupon immediately frozen. A guarantee of minimizing decay and unnecessary bodily harm, or further damage. They guarantee that the facility your corpse is stored at would put the state of the art to shame. It will not only have backup generators, it will have a backup power grid. You will not just be stored in an ice box, you will be kept secured away deep underground, where you will be kept in a single occupancy blast proof unit until your revival. Lastly the agency in question guarantees that your assets will be carefully watched over indefinitely by an internally trained and monitored asset management firm.

But still, are these not just sounder assurances? Does this cover all of the proverbial bases? After all, the real enemy of discerning clientele is time. Time, and the change that comes with it. The world changes. Wars are fought, cities abandoned, civilizations rise and fall. Even if someone could guarantee your eventual revival, what of the world you wake up to? How do you know you would be comfortable in whatever world you emerged into? New art, new attitudes, new governments. Progress, regress, even lateral moves. What if the world of the future does not recognize the value of your well managed assets, or find your well managed looks appealing?

And there is the crux of it. The Guarantee. The agency in question is most certainly not an agency of chaos. It is beyond well connected. It is that to which things and people are connected. It is not an insider organization. It is the imperious figure sneering down at the insiders, and dealing with them should they step out of line. So, for one of a certain station, with a fortune whose quantification is possessing of a certain number of digits, we tell you this. The world will not change. Your assets will not devalue. Tastes and attitudes may fluctuate, but never shall they deviate far. Time will shall ravage neither your body, nor wealth, nor perception of the world which you shall forever live in. We guarantee it.
They shall call me, Draglide! The thread killer!

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