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"Will you look at that? He's back again, third time this week!"
Johnson crumpled his styrofoam cup into a ball and tossed it in the general direction of the wastebasket.
He missed.
"Jeeves!" he shouted.
"Mister Barkley's shutlle will be diverted to dock 5, sir." the relaxed tones of the station's computer and its anticipation of Johnsons wishes did nothing to calm the angry customs officer.
"Right. Maybe this time."
Johnson stood up en headed for docking bay 5, customs special bay which had all the modern searching equipment that corporate money could buy.
"Probably not..." sounded Jeeves but Johnson was allready gone.

"Right, you know the drill. Cargo papers, access code to your ship computer and a full body scan."
Johnson looked over the short man in front of him.
Goofy smile, dirty coverall and wiry red hair that resembled an exploding supernova.
"And a good day to you too, officer Johnson"
Barkleys open friendly smile infuriated Johnson.
"Nothing good about it for you when I am done scanning your shutle I can guarantee. I just got in a shipload of nano spycells from headquarters on Nightwatch. Those little buggers will make sure your smuggling days are over!"
Johnson nodded to a techbot standing in a corner of the bay with a small orange box in its hands.
"Let 'em fly, Jeeves"
The techbot opened the box on the front and in a spectaculair way nothing happened.
"Oh dear, what a disappointment." Barkley grinned.
"You just wait till I am done with you." Johnson said "Anything yet, Jeeves?"
"A full scan will take about two minutes, sir."
Barkleys smile never left his face in the time that followed.
"Nano spycells eh? Them buggers any good?"
"The very best." johnson answered "If you have so much as one single atom of illegal goods on board, you are mine for the next few years."
"Oh dear.You really do have a bad opinion of me mister Johnson" Barkleys eyes twinkled, he knew what would follow now and johnson didn't disappoint him.
"That is officer Johnson for you, pilot! You know tha.."
"Scanning is complete, sir" Jeeves's voice sounded.
"Mister Barkleys shuttle is free of any illegal cargo or substances, sir"
"Impossible! He must be having something on board."
"He does indeed sir. A full cargo of books on philosophy and a half eaten hamburger."
"Ah! The books. Give the books an extra scan."
"There is no need sir. All scanning is done up to and beyond the atomic level. Every corner of his shuttle has been scanned by te nano cells, including the engine and outer hull and mister Barkley himself. Mister Barkley is not smuggling anything illegal."
"Tsssk..Over te last few weeks we've had 10 cargo laser scans, twice a full disassembly, 6 full searches with ultra sound, x-rays, virtual quantum dissection and manual search. Eh, it would seem that your suspicions are once again unfounded, officer johnson." Barkleys smile deepened "I take it that I am free to go?"
"Oh get lost!" Johnson waved the little man away.

Behind Barkleys back an argument was beginning to take place between an angry Johnson and a patient sounding station computer.
Barkleys smile deepened even further.
"And that makes sixteen, this month." he thought.
And then he wondered how many more stolen shuttles he could smuggle into this spacestation before they got on to him.


Sorry about any and all spelling errors.
On the other hand... how's your Dutch
Last edited by Rembrandt on Sat Jan 12, 2013 1:11 am, edited 1 time in total.
For the wise man looks into space and he knows there is no limited dimensions.
Lao Tze

Re: Contraband

Hahahaha I really enjoyed it :D Impressively powerful punchline at the end, although this is typical Rembrandt, no doubt!

My favorite line: "and in a spectacular way nothing happened." Classic.
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.” ~ Henry Ford

Re: Contraband

Engine Lover wrote:The old ones are the best! The first time I heard this story, in the 70s (yikes!), it was a man smuggling donkeys past a customs officer at a border crossing :D
Hehe, in my days -when the air was clean and dancing dirty- it was smuggling bikes.
For the wise man looks into space and he knows there is no limited dimensions.
Lao Tze

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