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Greedy is such a harsh word.

#1
(My first attempt at writing a story on a forum, so please be kind. Reviews are much appreciated, and I'd like to know if anyone would like this to continue!)

"Greedy bastard! I'll get yo-..." Before he could finish his pitiful last words, his ship's second engine exploded, causing the fuel leaking from the first to explode. Violently. I sighed, typing in the codes to activate my salvaging drones.

"Greedy is such a harsh word. Couldn't he have begged like the last two?" I spin around in my chair, tapping at consoles here and there. The trader hadn't been carrying much, but it was fine. I could scrap his ship and sell the cannons he was using to defend himself with. I checked on the hull, chuckling a little. He didn't even pierce my shields. What a shame. *BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.* I turned to see one of my drones, holding what appeared to be a pod of some kind. It had the insignia of one of the huge factions on it and the huge words saying, 'CRYOSTASIS POD, DO NOT TAMPER WITH.' I sat in my chair, silent. I then slammed my hand into my head.

"Damn! I knew I shouldn't have sold those sensors!" I pondered for a moment. This was bad, I'd been on good terms with this faction too. If the faction finds out that I attacked one of their unit transfer ships, then I'll be dead for sure! Suddenly the alarm sounded, and a faction scout appeared. Speak of the devil and he comes.

"Already? How could they have...Wait." I looked back at the skeleton of the ship I'd just destroyed. I could see a faint red light, where the captain of the ship had been piloting. Of course! He would've hit the switch when he realized I was too strong. A communication channel opened up. It was the scout. I groaned, entering the channel.

"This is Scout Ship 42 of the Arcadian Fleet, I ask that you drop the cryo-pod, and immediately surrender yourself into custody."

"And If I don't?"

"I am permitted to immediately terminate the thief." The ship's weapons start to charge.

"Woah! I was just asking." I nod to the drone and it turns, flying towards the ship. Then the scout makes a bad move. He powers down his weapons.

"Thank you for complying. Most of you are greedy."

I stop my drone.

"Did you just call me greedy?" I start charging my weapons. Two ion cutters, top market stuff. Found them off of a miner flying to his next job. Both good at cutting rocks and hulls. My drone turns and flies back to my ship.

"Sorry, I d-didn't mean... Er, please don't hurt me! I'm just a scout!" That's more like it. Beg. Grovel. Get on your knees. My weapons fire, cutting off both of his engines in a swift stroke.

"Keep going."

"W-what?"

"Keep. Begging."

"I don't know what you mean!" He's in tears.

"Yes you do." My weapons fire again, cutting apart one of his cannons.

"PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T HURT ME! I'LL LEAVE, JUST... DON'T HURT ME!" He's sobbing.

"Hmm. No." I cut off his other cannon and send my drones in to cut open his cockpit.

"W-wait, what are y-you... No! No, please no, let me live! I won't tell, I swear! Just-..." The top of the cockpit flies off. He gets suffocated. I give permission to my drones to salvage the ship. As for the pod, I send it into the brig, where I can easily talk to the passenger. I spin around in my chair, laughing.

"Greedy is such a harsh word."

- End -
I view the internet as a fire, and I am the tender of this fire. There are many like me, and we all have the same cause. To feed this everlasting fire.
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Re: Greedy is such a harsh word.

#2
good overall story. and i like that you stuck to the overall theme. one (and only one) thing that bothered me is that the 'enemy' was such a wuss. when i think of a scout ship for a large faction i think of someone like Aragorn from LoTR. been there done that kind of attitude. this guy shouldent have been out of space-dock without a senior person watching him.

cant wait to see more from you. GLHF :lol:
If I've rambled and gone off topic im sorry but i tend to be long winded as you might notice if you stumble across my other post XD. thanks for reading.
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Re: Greedy is such a harsh word.

#4
Thanks a lot for the tips, when I looked back at the story after I posted it I thought about changing the scout's attitude, but I stopped myself. Whenever I change one thing in a story I write, I ALWAYS find something else to change, and then another. Next thing I know, it's a whole different story. I'll get to writing the next chapter soon, so if anyone has tips or ideas they have about the story, don't hesitate to tell me, I'm very open to these things.

P.S. I never thought this story would attract the attention of Josh, so when I saw he replied to my story, I sorta spilled my coffee on my keyboard. Good thing I had a spare!
I view the internet as a fire, and I am the tender of this fire. There are many like me, and we all have the same cause. To feed this everlasting fire.
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Re: Greedy is such a harsh word.

#5
Vino wrote:P.S. I never thought this story would attract the attention of Josh, so when I saw he replied to my story, I sorta spilled my coffee on my keyboard. Good thing I had a spare!
:o Sorry about that! But I'm certainly not worth spilling coffee over...I'm no celebrity, just Josh :geek:
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.” ~ Henry Ford
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Re: Greedy is such a harsh word.

#7
The Hedge Knight wrote:I'll never get to spill my coffee. Sigh.
Yes sir you will, I've just been putting off reading yours because it's quite a bit longer, so I need to find a bit more time to stop and read it! But I can't wait :D
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.” ~ Henry Ford
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Re: Greedy is such a harsh word.

#8
JoshParnell wrote:
The Hedge Knight wrote:I'll never get to spill my coffee. Sigh.
Yes sir you will, I've just been putting off reading yours because it's quite a bit longer, so I need to find a bit more time to stop and read it! But I can't wait :D
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Re: Greedy is such a harsh word.

#9
JoshParnell wrote:
Vino wrote:P.S. I never thought this story would attract the attention of Josh, so when I saw he replied to my story, I sorta spilled my coffee on my keyboard. Good thing I had a spare!
:o Sorry about that! But I'm certainly not worth spilling coffee over...I'm no celebrity, just Josh :geek:
you are more worthy of celebrity than the idiots I see on tv these days. ;)
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Re: Greedy is such a harsh word.

#10
AlexDL78 wrote:
JoshParnell wrote:
Vino wrote:P.S. I never thought this story would attract the attention of Josh, so when I saw he replied to my story, I sorta spilled my coffee on my keyboard. Good thing I had a spare!
:o Sorry about that! But I'm certainly not worth spilling coffee over...I'm no celebrity, just Josh :geek:
you are more worthy of celebrity than the idiots I see on tv these days. ;)
As much as I love Josh, I think this can apply to anyone.

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