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Re: A short story about war

#18
And here's the third chapter, as promised.

F Y I
  • 2 men are a buddy team, 2 men, private
    4 men are 1 fire team, 4 men, lance corporal
    4 fire team are 1 squad, 16 men, sergeant
    4 squads are 1 company, 64 men, lieutenant
    4 companies are 1 battalion, 256 men, lieutenant colonel
    4 battalions are 1 regiment, 1024 men, colonel
    4 regiments are 1 brigade, 4096 men, brigade general
    4 brigades are 1 division, 16384 men, major general
    4 divisions are 1 corps, 65536 men, lieutenant general
    4 corps are 1 army, 262144 men, marshal
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Mp35R--Jrmg
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Re: A short story about war

#25
You've captured a WW1 Ypres vibe nicely, and piled pressure on Stephen. How long will it be until he takes out his anger on his generals rather than the Sheromians?

Some of your paragraphs are quite long, I find it easier to read if the text is more broken up, but I'm using a smallish monitor.

Looking forward to the next installment, keep up the good work.
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Re: A short story about war

#26
Wow, thank you sir. :D
Creating a ww1 atmosphere was totally my intention, mission complete. :thumbup:
About the paragraphs, I'll see what I can do. Most of the work is done for the next chapters you see?
I can, however, create a pdf printable version for anyone who's interested. If that makes reading large junks of text easier.

But thanks for your reply and for Stephen.... You surely wouldn't want any spoillers now do you?
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Mp35R--Jrmg
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Re: A short story about war

#29
PFFFiew... finally the last chapter.
Somehow I was constantly accidentally very unintentionally kept away from my pc :x
This is it then, my first contribution and first story I've ever written, ploughing through to the end was sometimes a bit grindy.
So please let me know what you think and if another story is demanded :think:
Can't wait to get better at this :D

EDIT: "Delay" Is something that seems to repeat itself often when uploading a chapter....
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Mp35R--Jrmg
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Re: A short story about war

#30
hello hello, I just wanted to ask to anyone who has read this story where it needs to be improved. I'm mapping out all the improvements entirely and working on a major improved version, Though I have A LOT of points myself I can always use the viewpoints of other people.

Do I need to add more chapters?
Do I need to add more immersion, and where?

That kind of things, thanks in advance.

:thumbup: :thumbup:

Edit: Almost like an entire re-write, I'm going over every sentence and rework it all
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Mp35R--Jrmg

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